not my goal

i've never thought of being a mom as a goal to set for myself. i guess when i posted my first post in this here blog it sort of seemed that's how i am thinking of it as. obviously i have always dreamt of being a mom and i hope that it's in the future for david and i. but i also believe very strongly that it is not my decision if or when we have kids. so when it becomes apparent to me that i am not pregnant, it doesn't really bother me all that much. it's a little disappointing, but i know there is a greater reason that i am not pregnant yet. david read me the scripture to study for february 1st out of the "our daily bread" thingy. the title was "God is at work" and the scripture was Philippians 2:13, which reads, "it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." it makes sense to me. so i will be patient and continue to prepare myself and my marriage for a stronger and more stable environment for a family and in turn will grow closer to God. 

it's strange to be in that stage of our lives where we are "trying". it seems like ever since my body was able to carry a baby that having a baby was the worst thing i could do for myself. i mean, yeah, it wouldn't have been a good idea but it's funny to me now to see most people's expression when you "admit" that you are trying to have a baby. i was sick on monday and when i came back to work on tuesday i got the flood of "are you pregnant?" questions... it was funny to see some of their expressions when i said, "i hope so!".  there is only a small amount of years in this modern society where it is socially acceptable to have children.  i guess i fall into that category.